So I did part 1 of why are we here a long time ago- I was actually shocked when I looked back at the date when I first started trying to write part 2. But today part 2 is flowing out of me. It is SCREAMING. As I look at the world and the chaos, it has never been more clear. As I evaluate my relationships around me, my feelings within me, it is in bright flashing lights…WE ARE HERE FOR EACH OTHER! But this couldn’t be more far from the truth as I see things unravel in the world we live right now. Let me explain…
I hate nothing more than being a keyboard warrior. Perhaps maybe that’s why I don’t write as much as I do. Since my husband died and I’ve began to have the life brought back into me after being treated for severe depression and suicidal ideation/planning, I want to live a life of ACTION. Because you’ve heard it so many times, actions do speak louder than words. And boy words these days are almost deafening. I’m almost numb to them. Anyone that has unfortunately had tragic loss in their life has heard “let me know if you need anything.” Trust me, I know people mean well, but most people are not going to ask as they don’t want to burden anyone. Everyone is doing the best they can right now. Or are we? Are we really doing all we can? I’m not judging I’m simply asking a question.
Lately, I have asked myself this same question. I have not been working as I have been doing 2 different therapies to deal with my life circumstances – basically for healing so I can truly move forward as a healthier version of me. Because until I heal and take the time to deal with these things holding me back, I will never be able to move forward. But I never want to keep anything from me being there for others. No excuse will ever be big enough to keep me from what I’m here for. When I die or when Jesus returns, I won’t sit and wish I had just one more argument with someone over wearing a mask or not, or wish I wouldn’t have visited that one person in a nursing home, or that I didn’t make that one phone call that might emotionally cost me a little – no that’s the stuff that I’m gonna wish I took the time to do. I’m probably gonna wish I spent less time looking at my screen and running after my nieces and nephews. I know that’s what they will remember at least after I’m gone.
I wrestle EVERY.SINGLE.DAY with motivation. I blame my depression for that. But is that where I should place the blame? Too easy of a cop out? I was this way back when Paul was here because I hated my 9-5 job. I always thought becoming a mom would fix it. When he died and that dream died (for God knows how long), I thought what am I going to replace that with? What is going to motivate me? Am I always going to need medication to motivate me? Will a new love ignite a new motivation in me? I honestly still do not have the answers to these questions. But I want to give an honest answer that I believe time is running out. When Paul died, my perspective changed. It showed me that the time we have left with our loved ones and friends around us is uncertain – and that continues to hold true to this day in these uncertain times. Youth/age means nothing when it comes to the amount of time you have left. This life is but a vapor. How will you spend it?
I believe now more than ever we need each other, it couldn’t be more evident that this is what the pandemic and social divide has taught us. Being apart from one another spiked depression and anxiety in a world that was already suffering from these two things. As human beings, we were created for connection. When God created Adam, He saw that he was alone and that it was NOT good. Thus, He created Eve. I urge you to stay connected outside of your phones – if anything disconnect from your phone and show up in person! We need that physical connection, our humanness thrives and dies by it. Of course be smart about it – this doesn’t need to be a political issue, I’m not asking anyone’s opinion nor giving mine, I’m just saying we NEED this guys!! Recognize the needs of others and simply DO IT. Most often times people are screaming to us what they need, we don’t even have to ask. This life is so hard, and we cannot bear our burdens alone. Go be present ❤️