“I Don’t Want to Talk About It” Barbie

This girl would be left on the shelves, but she is secretly the most sought after item on them (guys you’d still buy Barbie even if I said Ken). Pain, disappointment, rejection, loss – these are the items we stuff way down deep and don’t want to process. They are big – ugly – and oh lordt they are gonna make us emotional. 😱 Can’t do that in a society where we have to have it all together and looking good on social media to save face! 2 stories inspired this blog that I’ll share…and for those that are wondering no I didn’t forget about the “Why Are We Here?” Part 2. My blogs are all about what I’m currently experiencing/what’s on my heart and what I feel God is leading me to talk about and bring to the forefront.

So yesterday we are at the pool and Paisley brought her Barbie. She is almost 7 and out of all the nieces so far, she is the girliest. She had made some friends a couple days prior and they came to the pool so they decided to do an obstacle course. The leader, Molly, walked by Barbie who was laying poolside and picked her up then threw her down. Every girl thereafter followed Molly’s action and Paisley was the at the caboose of the troll train. The pain in her face stirred something fierce within my heart as she looked up at me clearly devastated. She was going to continue on and pretend it didn’t phase her but I called her over to me. She proceeds to say she was embarrassed, didn’t want to talk about it, and insisted on leaving. I want to fight this girls battles, mend her broken heart, pound these little girls to the ground for making her feel this way (ok maybe that’s extreme but I am over protective and obviously need anger management). But this made me think, how many times do WE not wanna talk about it? How many times do we talk about something else besides the true issue at hand? How many times are we gonna let it get to the edge of our tongue but never let the words come out of our mouths?

Let’s talk about what IT IS instead of what it’s NOT. It’s not about any one else but us so stop making the excuse people don’t wanna hear it or they won’t be receptive, especially if you haven’t even tried. And for the love of God, stop beating around the bush. Like God (and Moses with the burning bush), light that baby on fire and say look here is the issue, let’s talk about it! I am constantly amazed at the lack of communication that I’ve discovered in people’s relationships/friendships/marriages. If these people truly love you, truly are for you, then why in the world are you not comfortable sharing your feels? That seems so bizarre to me. I’ve lived in a relationship that was uncomfortable, awkward, and had NO PEACE because the communication sucked! My marriage to Paul was not perfect but we communicated about things and guess what? It wasn’t always pleasant but there was a peace in knowing we could come to each other with the hard stuff, the ugly truths, the stuff that might make one say “aw shit I married you?!” 🤪 Man I miss that realness.

The other story that inspired this blog was that I met with a new therapist before leaving for vacation. I absolutely hate re-telling the story of my life over the last almost 2 years and when I got to the part of Paul dying, which was right as I was coming out of a long hard battle of OCD and depression for 2 years mind you, I didn’t want to go into the details so I gave a quick version and said “I don’t want to really go there right now.” Towards the end of the session, my therapist brought that up. Obviously, we will go there in upcoming sessions but I absolutely did not feel like doing that. Really I never “feel” like going there but so many times it is necessary for my processing and healing. So while we want to stuff our grief, our traumas, our rejections, those images that haunt us, it is 100% undeniably essential to process these. You can stuff and stuff and stuff these so deep into your core and I swear they will explode eventually with a vengeance. And it’s said “hurting people hurt people.” I believe that. Don’t displace that onto others. Handle your shit.

I say all of these things and I preach to myself because I have done all of these things at one time or continue to. My hope is that we process the unfortunate events to help us with the next unfortunate event or when someone we know experiences a similar one to ours. That is another “why we are here” belief of mine. We aren’t made to be privacy beings, keeping every struggle and hurt in secret. Let’s help each other heal, let’s talk, let’s truly listen, LET’S BE REAL!

P.S. Paisley asked me to carry Barbie as we left the pool and I proudly waved goodbye with Barbie in hand as we exited! Bye Felicias! 👋🏼

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