I’m sure many of us have thought about this question before, and maybe you’re still searching for the answer. My sister shared with me and my mom tonight that my oldest nephew, Trace, asked her “what is our purpose here?” Sounds like an awfully loaded question for someone who is of preteen age…which then was followed by “so why do I need to learn math?” What I love about this is the inquisitiveness of a child yet the innocence as well…that age doesn’t define the depth of thoughts, even if it’s followed by something far less serious (I mean I actually do this ALL THE TIME 🤷🏼♀️). It reminds me of when I was at Honey Lake Clinic this time last year. The speaker asked “what do you hate?” Oh boy I couldn’t raise my hand fast enough. I know you think you already have my response figured out but guess again. By this time in the day I had already went through an entire day of feels and I was mentally checked out with my “stuff.” With no one else volunteering, I raised my hand and boldly said “THE NBA!” …Que the crickets…I’m sure it offended some people that I gave such a shallow answer but I was so done at that point. And let’s be real, the NBA blows (ain’t never been the same since MJ back in the day with the Chicago Bulls, can I get an amen?).
So now that we’ve established the NBA sucks and that’s clearly not leading towards the purpose driven life, WHAT are we doing here? WHY are we here? Everyone has their own beliefs/theories etc. I want to go a step further and ask – why do you believe what you believe about why we are here? Now you know what my answer is. Being a Christian, I know in my heart the answer but I’d be lying if I didn’t have doubts at times. I did this as a child and as an adult, pre and post loss of my husband, in the good and bad times. I have asked myself many times “Is this it? Is this really all there is? God are you real?” Cuz if this is it, I appreciate the few good times, but I’m gonna peace out now mmmk? If I thought there was absolutely nothing after this life, whew that is a definite BYE FELICIA. Essentially, that is saying there is no hope. There is no hope beyond my husband’s grave. To think I would never see him again – now that is insurmountably devastating. And unlike all dogs, not all people are going to heaven. That is not harsh, it’s biblical and it’s also called free will. God gave us the choice. But I will say, regardless if you accept Christ or not, the Bible says every knee will bow and every tongue confess that He is Lord (Isaiah 45:23, Phil 2:10-11).
I recently told someone that without my faith I would be dead. And nothing could be more true than the sky being blue. Countless times God has shown up for me – through others, in a song, through a post, in the sermon at church, through complete strangers, a random card/check in the mail. One thing I know without a shadow of a doubt is God has been teaching me RELY ON ME and only Me. It’s no secret how much I miss my husband and how badly I long for him. I view the relationship I had with him sorta like I do my relationship with Christ. He longs to be in relationship with me. This place, these trials we face, it was not His design for me or for you. But he is saying COME TO ME and I (not Paul, not your friends, not your mom, not your family) but I will give you REST (Matthew 11:28). In addition to reliance, I keep having this re-occurring talk with God where I repeat the lyrics of a worship song “You understand me.” My creator understands me unlike anyone else ever could – when I feel so alone – HE understands me. I cling to Him and I hold on for dear life, literally. God I feel so misunderstood but you get me fully. What a peace in that.
P.S. I’m calling it now, chihuahuas are not making it past the pearly gates 100%.